Strippers Bible Study Part 5

I used to thank God that I was pretty enough to be a stripper. I really did pray that and really thanked the Lord for giving me the body, face and guts needed to be a dancer. I was so grateful for that job. I didn't have to work under very many rules. I could make my own schedule. I could drink at work. I got to wear fun clothes and be creative with my hair and makeup. I could pretend to be whoever I wanted any night of the week. I could make good money if I worked at it. I was told I was beautiful or smart or funny or sexy several times each night I worked. Sure, there were some drawbacks, but I couldn't think of any regular job I'd rather have. And really, I was just waiting for some knight in shining armor to sweep me away and take care of me so I wouldn't have to work at all.

I obviously didn't know God very intimately or I might have thought twice about thanking him for the 'gift' of dancing. God didn't really give that to me, I made it happen. I used what he gave me for my own purposes. But my point is that I truly thought God would at least want me to be thankful. I felt grateful that I could earn a living in such a fun environment and I'd offer that up to God every now and then.

Because I didn't subscribe to any particular religion or believe in any hard core version of who God was, I was permitted to do whatever I wanted. I decided who God was and shaped him into a fairy god-mother of sorts. So, really, I was the one making up the rules and setting the guidelines.

I had sex with whomever I wanted. I didn't have to feel bad about it. Men do it all the time, right? What's the difference?

I lied to whoever was dumb enough to believe me. If you were too stupid to let me take advantage of you, then that was your problem. Why shouldn't I benefit from your lack of understanding?

Only the strongest should survive so if I stepped on someone or betrayed someone to get what I wanted, then I was doing the world a favor by stamping out the weakest link.

I was certain that any man would prefer me to his ho-hum-plain-jane girlfriend or wife. So if I could steal him, I would. Or maybe I would just make him want me even if I didn't really want him.

This was the framework for my world. This was the god I created. This was my religion and I wanted to convert as many people to my way of understanding as possible.

But there was a tiny problem.

After thanking the god I created for my dancing job, I would wonder if he heard me.

After having a one night stand, I would feel a horrible sense of guilt for days. Why?

After telling a drunk customer I had done 6 table dances when I had only done 3, I'd pray that I wouldn't see him for weeks.

After convincing some unfortunate poor sap that I would go on vacation with him and we'd live happily ever after, I'd hide in the dressing room and tell the waitress to tell him I got terribly sick and had to go home.

After manipulating some dumb woman's even dumber husband to buy me new appliances, I'd have dreams about their children finding out who I was and begging me to stop interfering with their lives.

As long as I was drinking and playing in my dark little world, my rules and my religion worked well for me. But as soon as I was alone with my own thoughts and forced to face my true feelings.....well.......well, I'd have to start drinking again and get straight back to work because I couldn't bear the damn shame that seemed to follow my little victories.

If my world view, my religion and my framework were based on logic and intelligence, then why did I have those weird feelings? Why was there an emptiness? Why was I working so hard to combat shame with freedom?

Why did Adam and Eve cover themselves with a fig leaf after eating from the forbidden tree?

The answer is the same. It's recognition, even on a subconscious level, of a separation from our true maker. God, the real one, has a signature or watermark on each of us. Whether you have never believed in Him or have believed a twisted version of Him or have never even heard of Him........the evidence is still there that He made you for His glory and the farther you stray, the sharper the shame. The closer you get, the more pervasive the peace. This is the evidence. If that isn't enough evidence for you, I understand. Just keep going. Keep creating your own god. Keep making your own rules. Stay on that highway and speed up. Eventually you'll find your exit and take the u-turn. How can I be so sure? Because you're reading this. God's mark on you has been exposed. How ironic that a stripper might try to cover herself with a fig leaf of sorts and hide her nakedness. You should change your stage name to Eve.